Everywhere and Nowhere Pack
I have been hoarding these poems for months. I’ve been finding it hard to explain my experiences lately. It just feels like everything and nothing has changed all at once. I’ve grown in so many ways but stayed the same. I think this is just what your early 20s feels like but I don’t want to limit my experiences to age and disrespect the way I feel. I’m trying to stop disregarding my feelings and limiting them to moments and circumstances. Cos either way, you still feel how you feel, you get me? Anyways, hope you enjoyed this random tidbit from my constantly contradicting brain. Here are the all things I thought about in the middle of Everywhere and Nowhere:
Friend 2
I think I prefer it when we’re not speaking.
At least then I don’t have to think about where I stand.
This is a poem about why I think we can never really be friends.
uploaded: 23/8/22
Trying
I’ve learnt from the nameless that love is just a weapon unless you show it;
I bounce back affection from the people I care about.
I’m too tired to volunteer my ears to one-way conversations,
And my hands are still too destructive for the art of tending to flowers and still seek out annihilation;
I bounce back affection from the people I care about.
I sever the legs off all my relationships before they get the chance to run away.
I often feel like a burden, and undeserving, and I’m too trusting, and for friendships I’m easy bait;
I bounce back affection from the people I care about.
I know my words don’t conjure up the same solace that an action-led apology does, after a broken promise,
But I am trying,
Trying is just harder that I thought it would be.
uploaded: 23/8/22
7 Words Pt.I
You out here forgiving everybody but yourself.
uploaded: 23/8/22
Survivor’s Guilt Pt.II
His mum levelled with you in-between hail and ride bus stops, and asked you to guide and speak to him.
And his mum’s known you since you were young,
She recognised that you’d been instilled with some levels of discipline.
You were young like Icy Tower and Millsberry at Coombscroft,
You felt like he gave in to anger too easily and was too soft.
Her son your namesake, she asked you to be an example and keep him safe,
But you found him annoying and chose to ease off.
Well he went bin for something stupid, been home for a minute and now he’s got a lot on his plate.
And he started getting into trouble, got stabbed and some time later, sadly passed away.
You still haven’t been able to meet those eyes.
Eyes dried raw from tears that have fallen,
Eyes heavy from the weight of tears that haven’t yet.
When they do they’ll be ambitious enough to break caskets,
And replenish the faces of men who grew up around gang warfare and got drafted.
Life seems like a long losing game of trying to balance trying too hard and not trying hard enough,
Flowers laid on lampposts for every rose grown from concrete who had their petals plucked.
To all the mothers, I’m sorry.
uploaded: 23/8/22
The Author
God’s already written that part of your story.
Take a deep breath, and let it go.
uploaded: 23/8/22
Temples built on slanted grounds
Liquid slides down my tongue as the truth shows it’s head,
Washing down the spirit instilled in this sacrificial bread.
I watch the collection plate run laps to contribute to the temple that guards off the devil,
Beware of the parables that manipulative false prophets will try and sell you.
Streams of believers running as deep as the water the arc resided in,
I see pairs of every creature:
The consumers and the manufactures of the sins.
uploaded: 23/8/22
Sweet Love
Thank you for bringing me plantain in uni
I may never know a love as sweet as yours
uploaded: 23/8/22
Safe Hands and Acts of Kindness
You hope God has carved out a reserved spot in heaven for her.
Whatever it is that’s nestled this deeply in-between your ribs is so encompassing that there is no room for fear.
The kind of intimacy where she cried into your shoulders, and you do your best to hold her,
Whispering words of affirmation:
‘You deserve to be loved, and I’m not going anywhere.’
Every scar on her body is a landmark.
You want her to fill you in on her history while you feel on her skin,
Demon time might have struck but your love is far from a sin.
This is Bible studies together; different interpretations of the word,
And your word is all your worth,
So you hope she believes you when you tell her she’s your world.
You have a lover and a friend who’s genuine in their intent.
You tarnished her character in previous pieces,
but that version of you was lacking sense.
And anytime you pick your side over hers to make her hurt,
your pride is dismantled in an instant.
Your instinct used to be reject before you could be rejected,
But this time you were vulnerable with her and found the worst parts of yourself accepted.
You are in small but safe hands that communicate through acts of kindness.
You will never take the blessing of her existence for granted.
She’s your bestfriend fr.
uploaded: 23/8/22
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